


Introductions

by goblin



Category: Askewniverse
Genre: Comedy, Friends to Lovers, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2001-10-30
Updated: 2001-10-30
Packaged: 2017-11-03 11:11:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 419
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/380751
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/goblin/pseuds/goblin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Now they're together, how should Jay introduce Bob to people?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Introductions

**Author's Note:**

> DISCLAIMER: Kevin Smith owns Jay and Silent Bob. Marshall Mathers III owns Eminem.

"I'm Jay, and this is my hetero life mate Silent Bob," Jay said to his Eminem poster. 

The unimpressed smirk Eminem seemed to have made Jay wriggle. Fuck. If he couldn't lie to a poster of Eminem in the privacy of his own bedroom, lying to everyone else was going to be completely impossible.

Jay was still Jay, and Silent Bob was still Silent and still Bob, and "life mate" was still true enough. It was the "hetero" part that had become glaringly inaccurate. But how the fuck else could he introduce Bob? 

"I'm Jay, and this is my bitch Silent Bob."

Bob'd never stand for that one. Besides, it wasn't strictly true. And Eminem was still fucking smirking.

"I'm Jay, and this is Silent Bob. I'm his bitch."

Equally untrue. And if he felt this humiliated about saying it in front of his poster, imagine how it'd feel in front of real people.

"I'm Jay, and this is my boyfriend Silent Bob."

Too prissy.

"I'm Jay, and this is my fuck-buddy Silent Bob."

Sure, they were buddies, and sure, they fucked, but... fuck-buddies implied something casual. Whatever this was, this thing they'd gotten themselves into, it was _not_ casual. For fuck's sake, they saw each other all day, every day.

"I'm Jay, and this is my lover Silent Bob."

Ewwww.

"I'm Jay, and this is my Silent Bob."

Eminem looked merely confused. He was right - too ambiguous. Too odd. Too likely to lead to awkward questions.

"I'm Jay, and this is Silent Bob, the guy I fuck."

Well - it was honest. If tactless. But hey, since when had Jay ever worried about tact?

But Eminem looked like his two-dimensionality was the only thing stopping him from shouting "fucking faggot" and lunging out to do some Jay-bashing.

"I'm Jay, and this is my partner Silent Bob."

Hey, that one's okay. Partner could mean business partner - which was true. Could mean partner in crime - which was also true. Could mean partner in sex, sex, love, sex, sex, love and fucking - so very true... This was the one to use. Even Eminem seemed convinced. 

Jay tried it out again.

"I'm Jay, and this is my - "

_Jay?_

Silent Bob was in the doorway, staring at Jay quizzically. He looked from Jay, to the poster of Eminem, and back again.

Jay's mouth opened to spew forth words of outrage and defense, but then it closed again. 

"I don't need to explain shit to you anymore," said Jay. "You're you. I'm me. Fuck it."


End file.
